Those of a certain vintage will remember rock hard pitches in the depths of winter or at the end of season when the effects of the sun (remember that?) created a rutted grass-free pitch that might take spin after lunch The question was always “yes but will it take a stud?” Soft shoe trainers, moulded studded boots or blister-forming nylon studded soles were the only options in those halcyon times
Monday’s Ruskin Sports Village session provided a first for many of us of the old school of footballers Our well-prescibed session with 40+ members, were shunted from the far end pitch and crammed into a much smaller area to facilitate a technician, employed at great cost, no doubt, to repair the AstroTurf pitch The fact that an AstroTurf pitch should need patching up begs the question how could such pitch abuse occur The application of strong glue and new covering seemed adequate but in a couple of places the technician required the use of an angle grinder to remedy the problem Will it take a stud? Or do we need an angle grinder? One can only guess The use of a dangerous power tool in close proximity to our aging membership is of course a separate Health & Safety concern Thankfully we avoided the danger by the crab-like movement of our pitch to a smaller adjacent area
As mentioned above Monday morning attendance numbers are extremely healthy at the moment The teams were corralled into the following teams
Orange - Les Meldrew, Roy, Charlie, Triallist, Chopper, Gonzalo and new boy Tom McGrady (who cunningly supplied his own orange shirt to wear beneath his Club Bib)
Pink - Cockney Rebel, Lord Rainford, Amazon Prime, McSpeed, Spiro, Eileen and Sheila
Purple - Aldo, Grazer, Glenn, Ashy, Grav, Jenko and Phil the Cat
Sky - Simon, Phil the Power, Haggis, Andy Man, Wickie, Kirsty and Steve Jones
Yellow - Little John, Tom Stretch, Citeh Geoff, Les H, Mark NR, Julie and Eamon
Black - Steve Honeyman, Barry Wizz, Colin the Late, Margaret, El Presidente and Phil the Moss
Referees for the morning were (Head Judge Len) Jeff Betty, Tomo and Enoch
There was an executive decision made on the hoof that Black v Yellow would be treated as a unique game 6 Black v 7 (Yellow with one player standing down for some time in rotation) On paper that seemed fine but within 15 minutes Black lost El Presidente with a recurrence of the sinus related dizziness illness that has affected him this year Little John joined Black in an eye catching shrewd bit of horse trading and the game continued as a six a side affair In the final outcome the match ended 4-0 with Yellow taking the honours Tom Stretch and Eamon each claimed a brace Gallantly our illustrious Presidente claimed it was nil- nil when he departed the play
The other teams played the standard Round Robin format with a tight first round match featuring Sky and Purple settled by a solitary strike from Aldo for Purple On the adjacent pitch Orange were a touch too strong (and sometimes too many) for Pink Gonzalo with a couple for Orange and Spiro grabbing the Pink consolation
In Round Two Sky enjoyed better fortune with a good all round performance capped by goals from Haggis and Wickie Their opponents Pink had another Spiro effort in consolation but the game ended Sky 2- Purple 1
Orange overcame our Purple South American duo Grav-Aldo with their trademark perpetual trotting style to win 2-0 Gonzalo hit both goals, when he wasn’t being chastised for his relative pace or number of touches
Meanwhile the grinding continued with sparks flying Video evidence of the ‘trotting style’ is available and makes interesting viewing
The final round of games featured Sky taking on Orange with a solitary Phil the Power drive the only goal of the game Pink and Purple was a similarly close affair which was punctuated by the antics of our ennobled one in his stint between the posts Lord Rainford produced a fine example of impromptu action, diving early to save a shot that was diverted in the opposite direction, only to stick a leg out to somehow bay away the ball A team mate, who has asked to remain anonymous, described the moment as game changing
There was a titanic coming together with two unlikely bruisers testing each other’s prowess Lord Rainford gathered a ball close to the touchline and turned sharply to attempt to elude Grazer (his first out of goal outing in months) In a moment more akin to American Football the lordly figure of M’Lord was dispatched to the floor with Grazer stood above him
Grazer, who earned his nickname for his propensity to end on the deck on his hands and knees, was a picture with the sun glinting on his sport spectacles and a snarl etched on his face The incident was ‘put on report’ so we can expect no further action from the somnambulist disciplinary committee which is due to convene in time for next year’s AGM
M’Lord could do little to prevent Grav-Aldo each finding the net in a 2-1 win Sheila did find the net in reply but Purple hung on to claim the win albeit in bewildering circumstances
There was a celebratory atmosphere in the sumptuous surroundings of the Slipper Salon at the end of hostilities with cake generously provided by Kirsty (confirmation required) We are assured that next Monday there will be another cake day Lee Jenkinson on record as the likely provider
A note of congratulations too for the news that Darron Walley has become a first time granddad with arrival of Leo Blake Walley this week
Darron celebrated his glad tidings with a hearty band of pilgrims that braved the monsoon to play indoors on Wednesday’s Sutton SoccerDome session
The Council had declared the AstroTurf steppes playable at 4:00 pm but at 6:30 a fresh deluge deposited a month’s worth of rain on to the area The Sutton car parks were flooded and the entrance to Reception was under water on our arrival Water leached through Reception partly flooding the under-stairs studio and the main corridor serving the building Full marks to Centre Staff who battled to mop up whilst yet more water poured in There was no prospect of outdoor play so the decision was taken to cancel that notion and focus on accommodating as many members as possible inside
A couple decided that they’d leave the scene to attempt the return home journey News of severe flooding reached SHWFC GHQ so with 18 players three six a side teams were created and shorter games were arranged to give as much playing time as possible for all
The teams rinsed out were;
White - Ian Hilton, Granddad Walley, Grav, Benno, Robin and Chris 4G
Red - Lord Rainford, Peter Tee(ling) Eamon, Kirsty, Jason and Haggis
Yellow - Andy Man, Triallist, Cockney Rebel, Steve Carine, Eileen and Midweek Michelle
Referee was Jeff Betty Birchall Time Keeper El Presidente Money Keeper Les Meldrew
Red kicked off the action meeting Yellow in the opening match Playing indoors is of course a different proposition to playing on AstroTurf Both sides needed to settle as soon as possible with the ball frequently skipping away on the frictionless surface With Six a Side there was very little space to operate Steve Carine tested Lord Rainford in the early action At the other end Haggis tried to sneak a shot past Eileen Yellow slightly on top but without truly testing the keeper After a pulsating game the whistle sounded with the score locked nil-nil Cockney Rebel, normally a deadly penalty taker had a shot saved by Jason - probably the only clear chance in the game
Game Two with White and Red serving up a close fought match White did shade possession and operating a high press kept Red pegged in their own end for much of the contest Ian Hilton went close before Benno picked of a loose clearance to fire home 1-0 White ahead and then managing the game through to the end 1-0 White claiming the first goal and win of the night
Game Three with Yellow facing White another close encounter The standard of passing improved as the night wore on It was clear that all had raised their game accordingly White knocked the ball around the pitch in fine style before the inevitable mistake handed Yellow the initiative In the crowded confines, happily mistakes could be recovered quickly to allow covering players to regain their positions Robin went close for White, Benno was just off target too Both teams continued to probe for the breakthrough but neither could find the decisive strike 0-0 in an excellent match
Red met Yellow in the next Round, games now reduced in duration to ensure all had maximum playing time Yellow applied pressure Steve Carine, Michelle and Cockney Rebel all trying to find a way through Eamon, Jason and Peter Teeling all showing good touches at the opposite end Could either side find a winner in the prescious time remaining? The answer was a resounding NO time elapsing with no keeper having to pick a ball from their net 0-0 a frustrating end to yet another cracker
Red faced White next up Within a minute Chris 4G cleared a Red attack and fed an excellent chance that Darron blasted home 1-0 to White Chris 4G then was close to doubling the lead hitting a shot that found the woodwork with the keeper glued to his line Jason blocked an attempted shot by Grav whilst Eamon was narrowly wide Both sides playing full throttle but again time ran out White claiming the spoils 1-0
The final game featured White and Yellow White still the only team to have scored and actually win games Neat and tidy play to keep the ball moving was a feature of the White team’s approach Yellow matched the work rate and ensured they stayed in the contest throughout the whole game White almost punished some slack marking but Ref Betty awarded a foul instead Steve Carine promptly tucked a chance away from the restart to give Yellow their first goal and victory of an excellent night’s Walking Football
The weather in the meantime relented slightly but widespread flooding was evident as members left having enjoyed a great night’s impromptu indoor action
Angle Grinder* - Heavy Lungs (a Bristol based punk/noise rock band - no me either)
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