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Automatic*

Like a well -oiled machine SHWFC has evolved gently over time to become the thriving Walking Football outfit we know so well There are structures developed through trial and error, refinement and refreshment that put us in the envied position of being ‘not bad’


So when one, two or even three members of the Club’s Leadership Group is indisposed that infrastructure holds firm and ensures its business as usual A little different perhaps but business nevertheless Monday’s Ruskin Sports Village session started promptly and teams were selected, bibbed out and photographed ready for action After that promising start things went somewhat wonky thereafter with the retirement through illness of one of our Referees, Les Lomax Followed swiftly by the withdrawal with a similar malady of El Presidente, unable to breath properly and in danger of imminent collapse during game two. In addition we had Lord Rainford overseeing the renovation of one of his many properties, plus Gonzalo confined to a sun bed in sunnier climes

That catalogue of misfortunes meant, Blog writing for Monday reached a new low, with just Ref Jeff Betty available to give any insight to the day’s proceedings

Despite these setbacks we do know the teams were;


Black - Dav, Charlie, Haggis, Phil the Moss, McSpeed and Steve Honeyman


Sky - Eamon, Margaret, Les H, Citeh Geoff, Wickie and Les Meldrew


Orange - Paul F, Sheila, Tom Stretch, Jim, Barry Wizz and Triallist


Pink - Phil the Power, Grazer, Little John, Mika, Tom Derby and Tomo


Purple - Michelle Monday, Cockney Rebel, Enoch, Geoff P and Amazon Prime


Yellow - Chris K, Harry the Hatchet, El Presidente, Andy Man, Mark NR and Phil the Cat


In the opening matches Black were outshone by Sky by 3 goals to one with McSpeed claiming Black’s only goal and Eamon grabbing a hat trick with two set up by the excellent passing of Margaret At this point Les’ pencil slid down the page of his trusty Ref’s notebook to flatline for the rest of the session


Yellow were well matched in their opener with Pink a 1-1 draw At which point Jeff Betty broke his pencil in frustration, El Presidente left play partway through the second game to be replaced by Jeff Betty No record of the remains of the morning’s game made it to the press room

The photographs for the morning were rendered unusable in any event due to the embargo of unsuitable imports imposed by the Cypriot authorities and lack of adequate Wi-Fi on the same Mediterranean tax haven

Back in time we used to struggle to make up stuff on the early Blogs 100 words, mostly nonsense and no photographs How far we’ve come in such a short time


Wednesday evening’s midweek session at Sutton SoccerDome was a much smoother affair with four teams of seven and two-ish Referees

Those teams were;


Red - Steve C, Barry Wizz, Citeh Geoff (looking very uncomfortable in a Red top, Lord Rainford complete with comedy tongue, Subbuteo Dave, Steve Smith and Les Meldrew


White- Deggs, Darron, Midweek Michelle Tom Stretch, Little John, Chris 4G and Cockney Rebel


Yellow - Enoch, Eamon, Simon, Eileen, Roy, Haggis and Jason


Blue - Joe the Ghost, Graham, Phil the Power, Grav, Chris 10P, Roger and Andy Man


Blue met White in the opener with both teams going for broke The ebb and flow produced lots of chances but just a goal each as Chris 10P and Tom Stretch ensured a share of the points In game two Red proved too strong for White a brace by Steve Carine and Barry goal compounding a drubbing for goal less White

In the final game Blue swept Red aside with Chris 10P hat trick plus Grav goal on target Red did net thanks to the fabulous Steve brothers Smith and Carine each finding the net Final score 4-2 to the Blue


The night’s other action was refereed by El Presidente, recovered after Monday’s travails to ruin one or two player’s nights (depending on who you listen to)

His first match was Red v Yellow in a titanic struggle marked throughout by some excellent play Early ‘slow down’ reminders ensured that play was generally fair and within the spirit of the game Yellow mounted a prolonged period of possessional pressure Steve Carine fired the opener somewhat against the grain 1-0 Red

SteveSmith doubled the Red advantage after 7 minutes with a goal from a tight angle Yellow continued to enjoy plenty of possession but their opponents were clinical in front of goal 2 ahead largely without the ball for extended periods of play Yellow did hit back through Simon, set up by Enoch 2-1 Steve Smith struck again to restore the Red 2 goal advantage 3-1 Eileen produced a couple of sharp saves At this point El Presidente urged that both teams talked to improve the accuracy of passes, players were ignored in good positions mostly as their team mates were unaware Roy Fielding fired a second goal for Yellow 3-2 Red still ahead Play elapsed with some doubt about the final score Playback has since confirmed 3-2 to Yellow as the final score


Blue made the short trip to face the Yellow in Round Two both sides showing great effort to produce the opening goal The breakthrough arrived from Andy Man with the assistance of Grav Blue one up after 5 minutes quality packed play Chris 10P hit a trademark goal to equalise 1-1 his shot from 25 yards all along the floor into the far corner On occasions there were mistakes caused by team mates attacking the same loose ball in their haste to secure possession Eventually Joe the Ghost found time and space for Blue to go 2-1 up Play ended with Blue on top

The grand finale featured Yellow and White Eamon fired the opener almost decapitating Deggs, who ducked to avoid the goal bound shot 1-0 to Yellow Michelle then had the misfortune to half volley Deggs for the 2nd Yellow goal White not helping their cause with wayward passes out of defence Low sun marked the end of the session with teams attacking the far end partially blinded by the unusually bright close to proceedings Yellow claimed their third with a smart turn and shot by Eamon White had presented plenty of chances but had nothing to register on the scoreboard Typically White fluffed the best chance of the session and 3-0 it remained

Jason picked off a clearance and pass from Eamon to make it 4-0 Further chances were spurned 4-1 and a consolation for White was claimed with just two minutes left before the final whistle At the end all smiles and handshakes were exchanged another tour de force for the SHWFC ethos


Whilst we can provide some information of teams, scorers and moments of madness for the week, we are still unable to offer photographs to help police track down miscreants

A reminder that whilst enjoyment is automatic and indeed a pre-requisite of our sessions This particular Blog is analog, no digits have been harmed in collating the story and presenting it for your enjoyment


Automatic* - Pointer Sisters 1983 floor filler or 2014 Country music Grammy winning hit by Miranda Lambert (very easy on the eye)






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