As Lord Rainford was contemplating a tricky 12 foot putt on the practice green whilst his sister (and our Honorary Auditor) Mary was in the 19th enjoying a celebratory G&T (easy on the ice) his thoughts briefly passed to his fellow SHWFC players Thirty Three of them making eyes at Andy Man(anger) in the hope of being on his team for Monday morning’s Ruskin Sports Village session
Whilst Lord Rainford had ‘graciously allowed his sister to beat him yet again’ in a round of golf in exchange for her work, his Walking Footballing chums were; warmed up, lined up and eventually selected for the morning’s outing The sacrifice for our greater good was one that our noble Lord was only too willing to make on the Club’s behalf
Monday’s teams were;
Orange - Wickie, Willo, Cockney Rebel, Mika and Charlie
Pink - Chopper, Les Meldrew, Phil the Power, Little John, Tom Derby and Spiro
Yellow - Michelle Monday, Geoff P, Harry the Hatchet, Mark NR and Snakehips
Purple - Julie, Haggis, Steve Jones, Barry Wizz and Amazon Prime
Sky - Eamon, Donal, Liz, McSpeed and Citeh Geoff
Sadly little detail of the morning’s action survived the Editor’s scissors but we did learn that Wickie and Spiro were literally outstanding as can be seen in the photos Liz suffered a serious looking wrist injury (a recurrence we believe) news of her plight and likely recovery will follow in due course We are unsure whether this will curtail her globe-trotting for the immediate future On hearing the news TUI issued a potential profits warning
We learned that for a second week there was a lack of cake in the Slipper Salon for the post session briefing Mr Kipling also issued a potential profits warning
Wednesday’s Sutton SoccerDome session featured a most impressive debut and return to action for another newbie-ish Twenty Four players; four teams of six, two games at a time and just one Referee (allegedly)
The teams were;
White - Eamon, Simon, Roy, Joe the Ghost, Graham and Chris 4G (congratulations for having the shortest team listing prior to this needless congratulatory messge)
Green - Martin Mc, Steve Smith, Lord Rainford, Michelle Midweek, Chris 10P and Mark NR
Red - Will Barnes on debut, Les Meldrew, Mark Dav, Tom Stretch, Barry Wizz and Andy Man
Blue - Cockney Rebel, Les H, John Cousins back in action again after a knee knack, Haggis, Jason and Little John
Green v Red provided the first entertainment of a magnificent series of matches Red started smartly spraying passes around as you might expect with such a strong selection The opening goal was a fortunate affair with a Wizz special striking the foot of the post only to be turned into his own goal by Lord Rainford In fairness the effort was goal worthy M’Lord really couldn’t get out of the path of the rebound 1-0 Red ahead with two and a half minutes played
Red absorbed a period of pressure and broke quickly to threaten the White goal, a ploy employed with great effect There was a succession of ball to hand incidents during the game, but most were waved ‘play on’ in direct contrast to the Premier League When the player is so close to his opponent a little common sense needs to be applied Tom Stretch finished a great move to stretch the Red lead with 4 minutes remaining A great pass from Barry Wizz set up Tom Stretch to make it 3-0 At the other end Tom stretched his 7 feet frame to force a shot wide Martin Mc produced an equally impressive save to keep it to 3-0 Red under a little pressure as time elapsed
In the other game Blue and White battled out a 2-2 draw with goals Joe the Ghost and Simon and John Cousins claimed a brace for Blue
Red played Blue in the next game, on paper an evenly matched prospect Blue went close to grabbing the opening goal but the eventual opening goal was almost six minutes later with Haggis scoring an excellent finish Blue ahead unperturbed by the Red menace 1-0 Blue surprising their opponents
Haggis produced his best game with some great link up play to match his finishing The equaliser came from a tremendous drive by Mark Dav 1-1 with just 3 minutes left to find a winner There was a frantic last minute of all action but the match ended all square after an epic game
White v Red started with Eamon penalised for not running to add humour to the occasion The final games were played with a strengthening wind blowing from the Far End to add to the fun We were all witness to the improbable dilemma of Barry Wizz being overtaken in a race for a wide ball by Simon, who demonstrated an amazing speed walk to retrieve a loose pass Eamon claimed the opening goal for White 1-0
A new phrase was added to the mix when El Presidente explained a free kick given for a ‘cocktail of offences’ Running, tackling from behind plus physical contact - “that had the lot” Barry shot wide before Simon claimed a second goal for White 2-0 White’s teamwork came apart briefly when Tom stretched his frame to fire home 2-1 Within a minute Eamon claimed his second to put White 3-1 up Will was unlucky to find the wrong side of the post before he made it 3-2 White still ahead
Chris 4G struck a fine shot narrowly wide with 6 minutes left Red playing their expansive game, whilst White kept it simple to maintain their lead A brilliant contest with both sides determined to triumph Will claimed his brace with a fine finish to make it 3-3
Green claimed the honours in the last game with a 4-1 victory over Red courtesy of braces by Chris 10P and Steve Smith for Green and a consolation by John Cousins for Blue
As we traipsed off to complain about hits and misses, decisions given and missed all had to admit it was a great session As Referee it was a pleasure to be involved with these teams and these games
The Boot Room was alive with talk of this Bank Holiday weekend Tom Stretch and Deggs off to Shrewsbury Folk Festival, Lord Rainford hosting a Peasant Hunt and El Presidente listening to the vibes from Creamfields (despite living seven miles from the site)
Whatever you’re doing SHWFC members have a great time!
Let’s Work Together* - Wilbert Harrison (ancient Bluesman) Canned Heat 1970 what a trip Brian Ferry (butchering the classics)
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